PRETTY PROFESSIONAL

 Recently Laura Fernee was chastised within the media for declaring that she is too pretty to be taken seriously at work. Many women I’m sure can associate with the embarrassing and uncomfortable effects of street harassment, which often seems harmless to men and women who don’t experience it. Personally street harassment can ruin my day, and often make me not want to leave the house, so imagine having this feeling daily at your workplace. Although Fernee’s argument may be controversial and arguable, I can understand her stance on the subject. During her interview on ITV’s This Morning, she explained that her male and female colleagues made her feel inadequate intellectually by assuming her glamorous exterior defined her personality and academic abilities, for example, a fitted dress, lipstick or pearl necklace.

As a young woman fresh out of University, I have begun the job search, and for the first time I have started to consider what I would wear in professional circumstances, for example, a job interview. I don’t believe that your individuality and unique qualities should be boxed into a boring business cliché, and if at any point you are in danger of not being taken seriously because of an overtly feminine or sexy style, I would simply put this down to sadly jealous and intimidated co-workers. Dress to suit yourself, and always be true to your personal style, whatever the environment.

ANNA

Useful info; The New Professional, The Working Wardrobe, Mizhattan, Net-a-porter

images - laura fernee, jackets m&s, dorothy perkins, river island.

PERSPECTIVE IS AN AMAZING THING

The right perspective allows you to see things as they really are or from someone elses point of view. A lack of perspective can result in massive misunderstandings, anxiety and even bullying. Being autistic can often mean that a lack of perspective is inherent. It doesn't mean that perspective isn't gained eventually, but until it is – the effects can be wholly damaging. I was diagnosed as having Aspergers 5 years ago. However I did suffer bullying for a very long time before that. My diagnosis provided me with answers, and eventually coping mechanisms – and that led to my confidence returning. I realised that my lack of confidence, and understanding about myself allowed others to pick on me. It allowed others to be strong when they saw me as weak, and I was submissive out of fear of reprisals for standing up for myself.


Since then I have been very much involved in my local Autism community. I have raised money, awareness and stood up for Autism. I also have worked with people on the spectrum which has allowed me to understand others and how their Autism affects them. It also has opened my eyes to how much bullying occurs – offline and online.


The internet allows people to find their voice – neurotypical and autistic alike. However some voices are louder than others and they drown out the quieter ones. Having seen a lot of forums relating to ASD over the past 5 years – I have been privy to arguments, cronyism, exploitation and victimisation. All by people with ASD to people with ASD. Now don't get me wrong, we are not all angels – having a disability does not mean we are pure as the driven snow and incapable of negative behaviours. But we do know the difference between right and wrong.

I have always been a firm believer in challenging negative behaviours, and bettering myself. I believe everyone to some extent is capable of this. However it comes more easily for some people than others. Otherwise ASD would not be the varied disability it is. It's called a spectrum for a reason. Having a resolute belief that you are right can be great under the right circumstances. However when it results in upset, anxiety and self harm – it's not so great. That is why I feel that bullying in the Autism community is all down to perspective. Lack of empathy is supposed to be a big part of ASD. I don't feel this is true. I know a lot of people who exhibit a lot of empathy – however it often comes after the fact, and usually when someone points out how an outburst in a classroom, or angry message online can have a devastating effect on someone else. It can be expanded upon by explaining just because you can understand things in a certain way or level of language – doesn't mean that the person you are having problems with does. Using overly complicated language on purpose to someone you know has issues with understanding it is bullying. Calling them stupid for that same reason is bullying.

Getting angry at that person for getting upset after they try to explain the best way to talk to them, or approach them – is bullying. Standing back and allowing it to happen – is enabling bullying. There needs to be a happy medium when we express ourselves – not too many rules that make us feel like children, and not a complete lack of them that allows the stronger voiced to dominate the less strong.


We are supposed to be a community. We fight bullying from the rest of the world everyday.

We should not be fighting each other.

JULIE

THE NU PROJECT

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  Everyone has their own opinion on what the perfect body consists of. Through the Internet, magazines and television, the media feeds us images of thin, slender models and diet tips. However, whilst feeling like we must adhere to these unrealistic body expectations, we are also told in contradiction to this that to be a ‘real woman’ you must be curvy and voluptuous with large breasts and hips. Why must there be a specific size that is seen as correct or the right way to be, when many women who are born naturally larger feel the need to starve themselves, whilst women who are naturally thin are made to feel inadequate and boyish, leading to ridiculous implants and cosmetic procedures?

  The Nu Project, launched in 2005, is a series of honest nudes of women from all over the world. The project states that without professional models or glamorous make up, its main focus is the subject’s personalities, spaces, insecurities and quirks. These photographs somehow manage to divert the viewers’ eyes from the sexual nature of a woman’s body, and instead encourage them to look at how the woman is sitting, what is she doing with her hands, her expression, her hair, her tattoos, the object she is interacting with, the floor/bed she is sat on, the space in which she is placed. It’s refreshing to be confronted with such a large group of images that concentrate on the personality, rather than the body.

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

  If this takes your fancy and perhaps inspires you to bravely shed your clothes, sign up for a photo shoot via the participation page.

  
  

  -ANNA

WE'D LOVE TO SEE YOU

Here at Milkshake & Honey we like to embrace all things creative. We love to see a broad spectrum of beautiful, exciting and interesting things, and what makes it a broad spectrum is the contributors. That's why right now we're opening up a window for new regular contributors. If you already have your own blog, or just have always wanted to share things you love or love to do then feel free to get in touch!

THE PAINS OF BEING A WOMAN

-ANNA

NOT FOR GIRLS

I was just as shocked and offended as any other self-respecting woman or girl when first hearing about ‘Lego for Girls’. Like most other toys, there are set options for girls and boys. Barbie or Action Man, a fake kitchen or a fake gun; but what if you want to have both? What if you want to spend a day at the shooting range then come back and cook up a lovely homemade meal? From birth, society has little girls and boys believe that they must fit into unrealistic stereotypes and if you don’t, well, you’re just plain queer. A boy who wants to style Barbie’s hair? Must be gay. A girl who wants to put on camouflage and makes guns out of sticks? Must be a tomboy.

I have been called a tomboy ever since I was very young, and I put this all down to the fact that I have an older brother who had very stereotypically boyish toys that I liked to steal. I was never discouraged by my parents from playing with these ‘boy’s toys’, however I was regularly called a tomboy nonetheless. When this word is carefully considered, it becomes evident that as a young girl you are not given permission to be a girl who likes climbing trees or playing in the mud, you are a girl who is trying to be like a boy, but you will never be a boy, and you will presumably never be as good as one. This is how many women feel throughout their entire lives: school, puberty, relationships, sex, jobs, careers etc.

I want the term ‘tomboy’ to be reconsidered, because even though I fell under this category as a young child, and possibly even now as an adult, my Barbie dolls were never far away and I did own a plastic kitchen or two. As a young adult woman I adore cooking, styling my hair, doing my make-up and picking out my clothes. However if I am also daring, intelligent and brave, I am not called a strong girl, I am called a tomBOY. As a very young girl this lead to me telling myself that I didn’t want to be a girl, I wanted to be a boy. I wanted to be stronger and faster and braver and cooler and girls just aren’t any of those things. Girls are dainty and they stand at the side of the playground watching the boys do dangerous things.

It makes me incredibly sad to think that I was not proud to be a little girl, but as the stereotyping between boys and girls has only got more complicated and more irrational with age, I have begun to learn to love myself and understand that I can be strong and intelligent as well as being feminine and I can be proud to call myself a woman, and a woman only.

For more information on this issue, please visit here, here and here.

-ANNA

WHO'S A DIRTY GIRL THEN?

Box of Treats, Debenhams, £20

I very rarely venture into the big, expensive department stores in the  large shopping centres. However, after being given a task from my Mum to  find a Christmas present suitable for my thirteen-year-old cousin, I  decided that it was time I bought her a more impressive ‘grown up’  gift. I was instructed to buy either make-up or nail varnish - something along those lines. I don't have a problem with her wearing  make up at age thirteen; this is the age I began harmlessly  experimenting with mascara and eye shadow, and attempting to cover up my ever-worsening acne with foundation. It is evident that  wearing make up from such a young age can stem from insecurities and  outside pressures; however, I believe it can also be seen as a suitable  and acceptable form of self-expression. With this in mind, I set my sights on choosing a gift that was fun, young,  good quality and, above all, appropriate. 

I began searching through 
several of these department stores but I found many, if not all, of the 
make-up related items to be far too serious looking and 
realistically aimed at adult women.

I came across a small section in one store, which was full of bright 
colours and loud patterns: pinks, purples, turquoise, polka dots, cute 
ribbons, bows and cupcakes! Everything was beautifully presented and, 
judging by the price, was of a reasonable quality. Finally! Alas, no. On closer 
inspection, one of these pretty looking collections, seemingly aimed at 
teenage girls, was labeled ‘Floozie’. Definitions of the word ‘floozie’ include,

‘A gaudily dressed, usually immoral woman... a prostitute’, ‘A woman who has a lot of sexual relationships, or who wears clothes 
that attract sexual attention in a way that is too obvious’. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but no woman, regardless of age, would 
want to be described as ‘immoral’ or a ‘prostitute’ in response to her 
sexual endeavors, and whose place is it to tell her that this may be 
the case, especially on the side of a wash bag? My point here is that 
firstly these products that appear to be sweet and cute are advertently labelling their buyers as sexual fiends who don’t know right from wrong. 
Secondly, while this may be considered appropriate for women over the 
age of eighteen, who understand the word’s ridiculous connotations, 
this is definitely not deemed appropriate for pre-teen/teenage girls 
who may find the packaging cute and appealing, in the same way they 
would find One ‘you don’t know you’re beautiful so we’re playing on 
your insecurities’ Direction cute and appealing.

In this same department store, another vintage-inspired 
collection of make up and toiletries had phrases such as “Who’s a dirty 
girl then?’ and ‘Hey, let’s get nailed!’ plastered across boxes and 
cases. Admittedly, this collection from first viewing seemed to be 
aimed at an older audience of women. As a young feminist woman I found 
that after reading these seedy, unnecessary phrases I didn't want to buy one of their products, I wanted to go home and take a long bath to feel clean 
again, but maybe that’s the point? 

Floozie clasp wash bag, Debenhams, £15

After recently reading Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs, it has been 
brought to my attention that Playboy are also to blame for targeting 
young girls, with rabbit head infested products such as single bed covers and pencil cases*.

So, after all that, what did I get? I marched to Boots, and found exactly what I was looking for. I 
chose ‘17 Nail Clash Complete Collection’, a neat nail art set filled 
with a variety of nail varnish, a nail art pen, nail gems and patterned 
nail covers. At only £20 I felt that this neat, 
sophisticatedly put-together set was not only appropriate for a 
thirteen-year-old girl, but also that it would inspire creativity and 
self-expression, encouraging my cousin to carry out such routines as 
painting her nails to make herself, and no one else, happy and 
comfortable.

17 Nail Clash Complete Collection, Boots, £20

*To learn more about this issue, please visit  Bin The Bunny, an active campaign against Playboy.

BY ANNA