DEPRESSED CAKE SHOP PT 2

The last time I wrote about baking – it was about The Depressed Cake Shop.

It's going to be launched in July, and I am glad to say I will definitely be a part of it.

My love of baking and having a chance to work with Miss Cakehead and Eat Your Heart Out seemed to be ample reason to be involved with the project – but recently, my reasons became that much more personal.

I hadn't heard from a dear friend in about a month. We had only ever spoken online, as our mutual condition (Aspergers) kept us both too scared to meet in case it all went weird. But we were friends.

We spoke nearly every day for 6 years. In many ways he knew me better than a lot of people as I knew him in the same way.

When he disappeared, I searched for a way to contact him. Luckily I remembered what his mother did for a living, and her name. Google did the rest.

I emailed her and waited. Then the email came back asking me for my number.

The next day, her fiance called me – Ryan had passed away a month ago.

I was completely devastated, and have been grieving ever since.

His mum called me the other night, asking how I was and to apologise for not calling to tell me herself the first time. She was glad that someone cared enough about him to try and find out if he was okay.

He didn't have any friends offline, which saddened me even more.

It's been really hard getting up every day. It's been harder to get to sleep. I see lots of things that Ryan would love in my day to day – things that I want to go online and share with him.

But I can't.

He struggled a lot with anxiety and depression. His ASD meant that he found it difficult to engage with people, and be outside in the world without support.

However he was a great person. He loved the country Finland (and the hot chicks from their native metal bands), he loved to talk about politics and religion (hated both), he had a weakness for the cute and weird videos on youtube (we used to try and one up each other with them), and he loved a good bit of cake.

If it wasn't for him, I would have never had the courage to go and seek my own diagnosis of Aspergers. He changed my life forever.

That's not the sum of who he was, or is to me – I loved him for everything that made him, him.

So it's that much more important that I help raise awareness of mental health by taking part in The Depressed Cake Shop.

It's also that much more important to talk about depression, anxiety and mental health openly. Everyone is affected by it one way or another, and it's high time we started supporting each other.

JULIE